The Team Grumpy rules

Rule #1. Remember to make your excuses before the race, not after. Otherwise it will just sound pathetic.

Rule #2. Don't tinker with your bike the evening before the event. It will break, either then or, worse still, during the event.

Rule #3. If all else fails, buy some new bike kit.

Rule #4. And if rule #3 fails, new skinsuits are probably a good option.

Rule #5. Never train or race with a bad cough - it will destroy your entire season.

Rule #6. Tantrums are appropriate if provoked (e.g. by mechanical problems), but try to avoid damage to equipment.

Rule #7. Team Grumpy riders are allowed to use whatever equipment they wish (and their wallets permit). However, the official team energy drink is always pop belge.

Of course, our seven rules pale in comparison to the Velominati rules.

Icknield 30k reports

  • Icknield RC 30k 2-up 2009

    We awoke to a cold and frosty morning – with very little wind to make our racing hard – and all the predicted precipitation was noticable by its absence.  Our customary preparation of Thai curry and Singha beer was having side effects as we set off for the race HQ in Cheddington, but once we gained entry to the hall, we quickly got ourselves and our bikes sorted, and set off to the start.  Gerry had decided to use his Xentis wheels, and left the H3s in the car as reserve.  As you’ll see, this is significant.

    To reach the start, riders need to cross two narrow bridges with traffic lights – it was just after the second of these that our plans unravelled.  Hearing a muffled exclamation, I looked behind me, to see my erstwhile team mate doing a U-turn.  Surmising (correctly as it turned out) that he was having a technical problem, I did the same, only to  get stuck at red lights on both bridges.  By the time I got far enough that I was worried about missing our start, Gerry was nowhere to be seen.  I returned to the start with about 2 minutes in hand, and anxiously looked back along the road.  With Gerry absent at our appointed start time, I somewhat reluctantly decided to ride solo.

    The event went pretty smoothly.  The climb up Billington Hill was as usual difficult, and there were a few occasions where I got a bit held up by traffic. I finished in 49:34, still unaware of what had happened to Gerry.  On returning to the race HQ, I discovered he’d had three (!) punctures and had eventually ridden solo in #39′s slot – h finished with 49:16.  For a bit more detail, see the Team Grumpy blog.

    Since we didn’t finish (or even start) as a 2-up team, I won’t bother posting the results.  Suffice it to say we were a little disappointed, particularly given the distance Gerry had come to ride the event.  At least we got a decent ride round the course.

    Course decription – Start on B488 at Gateway opening to Grove Farm, near overhead cable pylon, about 100 yards from the Village Sign of. Great Gap proceed in a southerly direction to Ivinghoe. Turn Left, (care, give way sign) by Kings Head PH onto the B489 pass Church on right Turm left onto B489 up an over hill to Travellers Rest double R.JB junction with A4146 Take first exit onto the A4146, through Edlesborough, Northall and Billington to RAB junction with A505,take first exit onto A505,over next 2. R.A.B to RAB junction with A418, take first left onto A418, thorough Wing, {care in village} to Wingrave Cross Roads. Turn left through village to duck pond. Turn left on unclassified road to Mentmore Cross Road Turn right (care) follow road up to Mentmore, down through Mentmore Park to Finish at a point by concrete telephone manhole cover on grass verge marked 192 this is about 800 yards before the double RAB at entry to Cheddington Village, Distance 30Km

    We awoke to a cold and frosty morning – with very little wind to make our racing hard – and all the predicted precipitation was noticable by its absence.  Our customary preparation of Thai curry and Singha beer was having side effects as we set off for the race HQ in Cheddington, but once we gained entry to the hall, we quickly got ourselves and our bikes sorted, and set off to the start.  Gerry had decided to use his Xentis wheels, and left the H3s in the car as reserve.  As you’ll see, this is significant.

    To reach the start, riders need to cross two narrow bridges with traffic lights – it was just after the second of these that our plans unravelled.  Hearing a muffled exclamation, I looked behind me, to see my erstwhile team mate doing a U-turn.  Surmising (correctly as it turned out) that he was having a technical problem, I did the same, only to  get stuck at red lights on both bridges.  By the time I got far enough that I was worried about missing our start, Gerry was nowhere to be seen.  I returned to the start with about 2 minutes in hand, and anxiously looked back along the road.  With Gerry absent at our appointed start time, I somewhat reluctantly decided to ride solo.

    The event went pretty smoothly.  The climb up Billington Hill was as usual difficult, and there were a few occasions where I got a bit held up by traffic. I finished in 49:34, still unaware of what had happened to Gerry.  On returning to the race HQ, I discovered he’d had three (!) punctures and had eventually ridden solo in #39′s slot – h finished with 49:16.  For a bit more detail, see the Team Grumpy blog.

    Since we didn’t finish (or even start) as a 2-up team, I won’t bother posting the results.  Suffice it to say we were a little disappointed, particularly given the distance Gerry had come to ride the event.  At least we got a decent ride round the course.

    Course decription – Start on B488 at Gateway opening to Grove Farm, near overhead cable pylon, about 100 yards from the Village Sign of. Great Gap proceed in a southerly direction to Ivinghoe. Turn Left, (care, give way sign) by Kings Head PH onto the B489 pass Church on right Turm left onto B489 up an over hill to Travellers Rest double R.JB junction with A4146 Take first exit onto the A4146, through Edlesborough, Northall and Billington to RAB junction with A505,take first exit onto A505,over next 2. R.A.B to RAB junction with A418, take first left onto A418, thorough Wing, {care in village} to Wingrave Cross Roads. Turn left through village to duck pond. Turn left on unclassified road to Mentmore Cross Road Turn right (care) follow road up to Mentmore, down through Mentmore Park to Finish at a point by concrete telephone manhole cover on grass verge marked 192 this is about 800 yards before the double RAB at entry to Cheddington Village, Distance 30Km

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  • Icknield RC 30k 2-up 2010

    Team Grumpy regrouped this weekend for the 2-up 32km sporting course time trial organised each year by the Icknield Road Club. This was the day after Grumpy Bob's club time trial round the Astwood sporting course, after which he suffered a rear tub puncture about 2 miles from home during his ride back home - which necessitated a trudge home along the verge since he couldn't get the tub off the disk wheel. Once home, he cleaned up the bike and shoes. Note this latter point as it becomes important later...

    Later in the evening, Team Grumpy indulged with the now traditional Leffe and a visit to the local Thai restaurant (of course with added beers). By sheer stupidity on Grumpy Bob's part, Team Grumpy also consumed a quantity of Norman cider.

    As a direct consequence the team was feeling rather jaded (the cynical might even suggest hungover might be a better description) on the morning of the race. 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay suggested it was as well that the start timekeeper wasn't equipped with a breathalyser.

    Team Grumpy had hopes of completing the event this year in contrast to 2009's event, where the two riders rode separately after 'Grumpy' Art suffered a series of "punctures" which delayed his arrival at the start line.

    Once at the Pitstone village hall race HQ, TG quickly got their numbers and set the bikes up with enough time to ride over to the start and warm up. Unfortunately a severe problem arose. Grumpy Bob's shoes just would not clip onto his pedals. (Remember the walking in the verge bit above?) The problem seemed to be that Speedplay pedals have the clip in the shoeplate, and this seems to be sensitive to mud.

    'Grumpy' Art produced a collection of screwdrivers and a Swiss army penknife, and despite enterprising use of the bizarre tool that such knives always have that is supposed to be for getting stones out of hooves (or something like that), the clips could not be made to work. Faced with this, TG had no option but to send 'Grumpy' Art off to ride the event solo.

    So once again, the Icknield event was a bit of a disaster for TG. 'Grumpy' Art rode round in about 50 minutes (though no time was recorded on the result board, merely 'DNF'), dodging the numerous potholes that have opened up this winter.

    And so Team Grumpy maintain their 100% record of DNF in 2010 2-up time trials.

    As a postscript, Grumpy Bob did eventually restore his shoeplates to a functional state, but not in time to get a ride. But there's a lesson there.

    Team Grumpy regrouped this weekend for the 2-up 32km sporting course time trial organised each year by the Icknield Road Club. This was the day after Grumpy Bob's club time trial round the Astwood sporting course, after which he suffered a rear tub puncture about 2 miles from home during his ride back home - which necessitated a trudge home along the verge since he couldn't get the tub off the disk wheel. Once home, he cleaned up the bike and shoes. Note this latter point as it becomes important later...

    Later in the evening, Team Grumpy indulged with the now traditional Leffe and a visit to the local Thai restaurant (of course with added beers). By sheer stupidity on Grumpy Bob's part, Team Grumpy also consumed a quantity of Norman cider.

    As a direct consequence the team was feeling rather jaded (the cynical might even suggest hungover might be a better description) on the morning of the race. 'Grumpy' Art Vanderlay suggested it was as well that the start timekeeper wasn't equipped with a breathalyser.

    Team Grumpy had hopes of completing the event this year in contrast to 2009's event, where the two riders rode separately after 'Grumpy' Art suffered a series of "punctures" which delayed his arrival at the start line.

    Once at the Pitstone village hall race HQ, TG quickly got their numbers and set the bikes up with enough time to ride over to the start and warm up. Unfortunately a severe problem arose. Grumpy Bob's shoes just would not clip onto his pedals. (Remember the walking in the verge bit above?) The problem seemed to be that Speedplay pedals have the clip in the shoeplate, and this seems to be sensitive to mud.

    'Grumpy' Art produced a collection of screwdrivers and a Swiss army penknife, and despite enterprising use of the bizarre tool that such knives always have that is supposed to be for getting stones out of hooves (or something like that), the clips could not be made to work. Faced with this, TG had no option but to send 'Grumpy' Art off to ride the event solo.

    So once again, the Icknield event was a bit of a disaster for TG. 'Grumpy' Art rode round in about 50 minutes (though no time was recorded on the result board, merely 'DNF'), dodging the numerous potholes that have opened up this winter.

    And so Team Grumpy maintain their 100% record of DNF in 2010 2-up time trials.

    As a postscript, Grumpy Bob did eventually restore his shoeplates to a functional state, but not in time to get a ride. But there's a lesson there.

    Read More